Category: Let's talk
okay, i don't kno exactly how to explain this, but i'll try and make it as clear as i possiblly can. some if not all of you kno that about 2 or so weeks ago, i came back from America, after being their for 3 weeks. that's not why i'm writing this though. i'm writing this cause something happened to me while i was away. something that is hard to even explain logically to myself. i don't kno if it's cause i got to see a bit of the world, and how other people live, or what it was, but i suddenly found myself changing. before i went away, i was doing the zone relationship thing, and all that. now, i don't want any of that anymore. to me (this is just my appinion), it's just a waste of time to have something like that, if theirs a chance you'll never meet. it's not only that either. i've also found myself not caring about what people who i'll never meet, think of me anymore, and it's freed me up to be more of myself then ever before. it's all just words on a computer screen to me now, where as before, i did care, probablly more than i should have. this has also spilled over in to my real life as well. don't get me wrong, i don't hate this feeling what so ever. in fact, i absolutely love it. it's like i've come out of a shell or something. so, i guess what i'm wanting to kno is, has anyone else had an experience where you've found yourself wanting more for your life, and changing it for the better?
I suppose I have. It was right after starting with Passion Parties. I was sitting there listening to my training and it just hit me. I could do anything! I could meet new people, go out, become truly independent and make money while having fun. I felt and still feel, that the sky really is the limit if I push myself. I also felt invigorated after coming home from that trip with my boyfriend last week. It's as if I'm finally ready to get my act together and change my life. I started with really small things but I know I'll move along quickly. My biggest problem is procrastination and that's the one i need to tackle before anything else.
When I first joined the zone I was a bit envious of all the people who seemed to be friends and spent hours talking to each other on ventrillo and even via quicknotes. I tried to fit in and took it very personally when certain people didn't seem to really like me. But the zone was my first stab at an online community, so it was new to me. As I have been a member of the zone for over four years now, the novelty of it all has worn off. Many people I used to want so desperately to like me are people I no longer care about at all, or at least not to that extent. I have even come to dislike some people very much after seeing how they treat other people. So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that time changes everyone. When something is new it can sort of take over your life and be so important to you that you can't imagine being without it. But once the novelty wears off, it becomes less and less important. I still like coming here for the games and for the entertainment value of the boards, but I don't much care who likes me and who doesn't anymore. That's not to say I don't have friends on here because I do, but I no longer feel possessive of certain people or get upset if someone seems to be too busy to talk to me or spends more time talking to others than to me. I often have public qn's off and stay invisible. When I am visible and have publics on, it's just to have fun. I don't take anything too seriously anymore.
I never understood the need to be liked to that degree or why certain people take things so personally. I don't just mean on The zone but in real life too. You don't call them for a day or you don't say "hi" and they go nuts. Very weird.
Becky i absolutely agree with you. the zone was my first on line community i ever joined, and your correct when you say that over time the novelty of it all wares off. i'm now only coming here to have fun and talk to people on here, and sometimes to look at the boards if it's quiet or i'm bord. it's not offern that i write on them, unless it's interesting or a topic of mine that i created. more and more, i'm only in here talking in publics and not caring about what people think of me or say on the boards at all. infact, i tend to find it rather amusing that someone claims to kno more about me than i do. i just love the fact that not caring about words on a computer screen from people i'll never meet, is making me more and more the bitch i really am away from here. i mean, yeah, i care if the person writing is a friend, but if it's not, then why even bother putting myself through stress that i don't need nor want in my life? it's not even worth it. like a very close friend of mine keeps telling me, i don't deserve any of that, and they're absolutely right! it's not that i just realized all this, i've known all this for a while, but it all only really clicked when i started changing both on and off the zone, for the better. it's not all gonna happen over night, i kno, but it is happening, and i'm feeling more and more happier because of it.
agreed with becky and liz. the zone was really the first online communities i joined also and i think it changed me a lot. before, i sed to be painfully shy and now, i dont know, this big change happened. i'm more confident and i dont give a fuck what people say about me anymore. i fcan speak my mind freely now, and if people dont like it, too bad. some people thinks on here that i changed in to a fucking bitch, but i dont think tahts true. its just, they dont like the stuff i say aobut them, so now, they start saying shit about me. but i dont care. i have many friends on here that i made, and i'm thankful for that. but the ones that doesnt know me and say stuff about me, can just go and screw themselves. lol. but yeah, i think time do change you a lot. and i have to say, that knowing that nobody can ever hurt me with their words makes me extremely happy
agreed Minh. it's like the saying goes, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me", and it's true. i also agree that if someone doesn't like what i say and how i've changed from the person i was when i joined, to the person i am now, they can kiss my big white arss. yeah, i admit that i used to do some fucking babyish things on here, and yeah, i've made mistakes on here as well, but i learnt from that. the zone has taught me a lot, and helped me be a different person both on and off line. some might think that i've been hardened by being here, and they'd be right. it's not just here that's changed me though, my real life has changed me to. the zone is just the place i come to to get away from the things that are happening in my life, and to talk to and have fun with people who are blind or vision impaird.
Oh, yes, and this event, a five hour fishing trip, has made the drastic change possible. I didn’t catch fish, well, fine a really small fish, but hey, I don’t fucking care if I did or not. I call it, a netful of knowledge, and I am proud to know that knowledge is still swimming in. I met this one gentleman and my world views and things completely made a 180 degrees turn.
I had no real goals, I thought I did, though, but I didn’t. I was a conformist and a naïve nerd. Now I am a individualist. I use to be easily influenced by everyone and anyone, but now I am an espiring egoist. I have totally changed my book preferences, and my major I want to do in college. I have also changed my attitude toards the world. Although, that being more recent, it was triggered by the very same trip.